Hidden Feelings
by Dark Magician Girl Hikaru
Summary: [ON HOLD] Title was Buried Feelings. Someone's Hatred. Vengence. Thoughts. Insane? Mental? Why does he want vengence? Who is it? Contains: suicidal thoughts etc. Different from my other angst stories.
1. Hidden Feelings

Disclaimer: Don't own Yugioh, don't sue.

Key: _word _= whispered

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 Ch 1 Feelings Revealed

~ First Person ~

A deep dark secret lurks deep within my soul where a shroud of darkness surrounds it. Something so strong, that I cannot suppress it any further.  It grows greater for every hatred and anger thought or said or thrown at me.  It is already too great to be controlled. Anger shall prevail. 

You may say that I've gone mad. Sure, that may be true, but you don't know the reason. 

~ Flashback ~ 

When I moved here to Domino, I knew I was different.  I was always a loner, whom everyone found as an outcast.  An outcast of school, and of the society.  People would taunt me wherever I go, a decent comment was never directed toward me. 

Even when I was a child, the others would never leave me alone.  They would mock my difference and ridicule my family. For I didn't have a complete family. Though, what I have left of my family might love me, they never did pay much attention.  I was just left in my house, alone.  

My morbid thoughts were the only companionship I had.  In fact, I was so naive I even longed for a friend.  Friend. What a treacherous word.  Friends are those who use you.  They say they care. But in fact they don't give a damn shit about you.  They stab you in the back when you're not looking.  I'm not that stupid, I won't fall for it.  

I won't let them trick me. For I will never have a friend. Never in my life. . .

_I just want someone who'll never leave me._

~ End of Flashback ~

Well I got my wish. I have someone, but he is the one that takes my life in to another level of hell.  

Ever since then, my anger and hatred grew even stronger.  I can feel the hatred there, beating with my heart.  The blood flowing with my anger.  Well it is time I release this. 

All the fury and hatred buried inside shall come forth. They shall suffer my wrath. They shall pay with their dreaded lives for causing my agony and my suffering.  Sugar is sweet. Yet, vengeance is sweeter.

~ Third Person / A few days later ~

News: It has been reported that there is a serial killer murdering countless students in Domino High in a very morbid fashion. It is said that it is a student. Detective Richard O'Neil is investigating. The police are on the look out.  If you have any information please contact the police station. More details at ten.

The television set goes blank. The boy fingers around the buttons of the remote control.  A smirk appears and then manically laughter filled the room. 

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A/n: I know it's short for now and probably a crappy ending, but I want you to tell me if I should continue it. This is way of writing is new to me. I do have ideas of what this will go on to. Or I could just leave it at this. 

Hikaru (my yami): I know who it is, do you know?

A/n: R&R please, whether it's a flame or a comment. I will write when I get the time, but only if I get **responses** to it. 


	2. Ch 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh!

Key: **_blah_**_ = _other self; blah _=_ emphasis; _blah =_ conversation w/ other self

WARNING: I must warn you that this is a bit strange. I think I've been reading too many strange fics. A bit of violence. No flaming me for this. I warned you. Moving on.

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Ch 2 

Mou hitori no boku, my other self. He relieves me, yet he taunts me at the same time. Though I can't say I'm grateful he's there, I can say that I still need him. I hate him. He's the one who lighted the fire for me to cause this terror. It's his fault that I'm like this. 

I would never have thought of murdering all these people. But he has. It was his idea. It was his actions that put me through another level of hell. It's his fault I'm trapped in here. It was all his doing.

Now I lay on this bed, strapped arms, staring at the ceiling. I'm surrounded by padded walls. Everything's white. I hate this place. White is such a bland color. I don't even remember how I got here. Wait, I remember. . .

I was going to slaughter this annoying bitch. I had pinned her to a wall. She asked if I was going to rape her. That's a laugh.  I would never do that to an insignificant piece of shit like her. I just pulled her hair and kicked her. She would have fell but I was pulling her hair and she just screamed. 

I stabbed her shoulder and the wench shrieked even more. Then I slashed her abdomen. Her screams getting louder. What I did next surprised her, I forced the knife down her throat and I punched her stomach. She screamed even more deafeningly in pain. I had laughed at her pain. Call me sadistic.

I went home not expecting anyone to be there. They were never there anyways.  But a family member saw me and asked where I went. I didn't answer, I just went to take a shower. I wanted to ignore her.  

When I came out, she questioned me. I just told her to leave me alone. But she wouldn't. She thought I was acting very peculiar lately.  The next thing I know two men tried to take my away. I kicked and tried to runaway. Then I blacked out. They probably drugged me with a syringe.

I woke up to the silence and blandness of white. I am once again left alone with my morbid thoughts.

**_Alone? Are you sure about that?_**

_You're not real. You don't exist. You're just a configuration of my loneness. _

**_Oh, really? Then I guess it can't be my fault then can it? You're just taunting yourself then? Is that what you think? _**

_I think I'm just crazy. _

**_You amuse me hikari._**

_Do I? Really? _A hikari, ha. I don't think of me light at all, if not the dark. He just left me, again. He just comes and goes as he pleases. I look around the room.

I detest the color white. I loath these binds that hold me. I despise everything about this place. I bang my head on the padded wall. I hate my life. I hate the world. I hate her. I hate him. I hate myself. 

**_Don't detest yourself my dear. _**

_Stop mocking me. I hate you! Go away!_

What did I do to deserve this fate? I just wanted to be a normal, like everyone else. Why does my life have to be this way? Why? Why?!?! "WHY?!?!?!"

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**Thanks to Reviewers:**

AnimeQueen55

Fire Dragons

Ril

Mina-chan AMD

The lady winged Knight. S

**A/n:** Sorry it was short. I think I have a bit of writers block on this. And it wasn't as strange as I had said. I didn't have enough courage to write part of it as gruesome as I had in mind. 

I don't think I'm going to reveal who it is just yet. Maybe the end or maybe next time. I dunno. Oh yeah, some of the stuff may be altered from the storyline of Yugioh for the sake of the fic.

So how was it? And do you think rated this appropriately? Well, tell me in your review or flame.  Though of course I don't prefer a flame. And keep guessing who it is. Well see ya next time. Hopefully it'll be longer. And thanks for the reviews again. 


	3. Consultation

Key: **_blah_**_ = _other self; blah _=_ emphasis; _blah =_ conversation w/ other self; "_blah" _= whispered; {blah} = sounds/action

Ch 3 Consultation

"WHY?!?!?!"

Shit! Why did I yell it out loud? Great. Just fucking great.

~~~~~~~~~

Jingling keys are heard beyond the door.  The door opens and a man in a white coat enters the room. 

"I see that you have finally awakened," the man in the white coat says stating the obvious, "My name is Dr. Mazaki. I am here to help you with your problems."

"It's none of your business," snaps the teenage boy.

"Ah, but it is," the doctor says calmly and scribbles on his note pad, "How are you feeling right now?"

"It's not like you really care how I feel," the patient replies curtly. 

"But I do. You see, that is what I need in order to help you."

"Help my ass," retorted the boy, "If you really care to help, you can start by leaving me the hell alone."

"We still have a minute. Why do you think you ended up here?" questions Dr. Mazaki.

"Because you, and everyone else in this world don't give a damn shit about me," the boy abruptly answers.

~~~~~~~~~

"Why do you think that?" he asks and scribbles some more.

"I don't think that. I know that. Now leave me the fuck alone," I snapped. 

"Hmm. . . Alright then, I will see you another time," he scribbled some more. Then he got up and left, locking the door behind him, leaving me bounded to this thing.

I hate this place. I hate being strapped to this damned thing. If only I had a dagger or something sharp. But what kind of institution would they be if they had something sharp lying around? 

**_Did the baka made pretty angry?_**

_Oh, how can you tell?! Is it my tone? Yes of course, I'm angry. _

**_Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Haven't you learned anger only cause trouble?_**

_Why don't you go fuck yourself?!?!_

**_You know saying that to me is the same as saying that to yourself since we share the same body._**

_You're a bastard, you know that?_

**_Name-calling gets you nowhere my dear._**

_I don't have anywhere to go, besides this hellhole._

**_If you say so._**

_And what is that suppose to mean?_

**_. . ._**

_Answer me! _

**_. . ._**

_I hate you!_

Ra, I detest him.  Detest him to the brink of insanity.  But how can I detest someone who's not real, but part of you, that much? I'm confusing myself, if I'm not confused enough already.  

And his mocking doesn't help. I feel so helpless. Arms strapped, lying in a padded cell. No one even cares for me. Especially not my family. I'm fucked up in the head and no one cares. 

I should've committed suicide when I had the chance. I could've died and I'll be happy. I could've escaped this hellhole. It's hopeless now. I'll never get a chance in here.  There isn't anything I could use to escape. 

Mou hitori no boku is the one who insisted I take out my anger and get my vengeance. It's all his fault I'm stuck in this Ra damned place! I don't want to live in this hellhole anymore. I want to die. Now I'm imprisoned here, forever.

I felt some tears on my cheeks. I didn't realize I was crying. Eternity seems like a long time. 

{A droplet falls to the ground.} Why is fate so cruel to me? 

{A few droplets wet the white sheets.} Why is the world against me? Why is my life so fucked up? Why? Why?!?! What did I do in the first place to get dealt this cruel hand?

_"I just wanted to be happy."_

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A/n: Thanks for the reviews. So what do guys think? It's not finished yet. I'm still not sure what the outcome should be. 

**Any ideas of how he would escape? Other ideas are welcome too. And did I rate this appropriately? **Guesses of the person are still welcome. Reviews please. Ja matte ne.


	4. Seeking Comfort

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh!

Key: **_blah_** = other self; blah = emphasis; _blah_ = conversation w/ other self; "_blah_" = whispered; {blah} = sounds/action; = POV change 

Border

Ch 4 Seeking Comfort

"_I just wanted to be happy."_

{The other materializes next to him.} Don't cry my dear. You'll ruin your pretty face. 

_It's not like you care._

**_{He licks the salty tears off of the "hikari".} Oh. . . but I do._**

_Now why would you care?_

**_Because you are my other half. {He caressed the crying boy.} Now tell me what is wrong._**

Well what do you think?!?! I'm freakin stuck in a hellhole for eternity, talking to myself because no one gives a shit! I don't have anyone! I'll be stuck in solitude. . . forever. . . What else would it be? 

I let my angry tears fall freely, if only. . .I could be free.

**_Oh, then who am I?_**

_You're. . . not. . . even real._

**_If I am not real, then explain how I am able to touch you?_**

How does he expect me to know?_ I don't. . . know. . . I don't know. . . anything anymore. The only thing I do know is that I'm stuck in a hellhole forever tormented by seclusion. Everything, everything is hopeless now. . ._

The other held the hikari closer as he cried himself to sleep.

"Hopeless. . ."

**_"You'll escape. . .someday."_**

He softly kissed the hikari on the forehead. 

**_"Good night my fallen tenshi. Sleep well." _**

He disappears from the room.

Border(FanFiction.net won't let me keep my original borders or let me make any faces.)

A/n: Sorry if this is kinda short. But I really don't have any time to think thoroughly right now. Gomen ne. And thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate it.

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**Also I need some ideas of where this should head toward because I don't have much of a clue right now.** I'm not even sure how it should end. 

Should there be shounen-ai in this? I won't focus on it too much unless you guys want me to. Other ideas for the story are good too. So send them in. 

Reviews please. See ya next time. 


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